I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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