i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
