the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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