I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
