Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
