I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
