i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
