I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
