you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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