Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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