so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
