I wish I could teleport
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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