So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
