Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i dont even know how to be here
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
