dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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