Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
