How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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