I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
love makes seman taste better
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
