I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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