I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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