Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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