Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
