I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
