I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
