tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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