Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
