He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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