Where did you get a picture of my penis
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
