Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
