Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
