Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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