help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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