how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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