I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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