This is the prime rib incident all over again
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
