Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
