I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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