Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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