Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
how does that bad decision feel?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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