I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
