i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
