Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
