If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
