I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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