he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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