I think my vagina is haunted
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
