ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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