But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
