this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
