Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
