I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she looked like the before picture.
my shit smells like andre
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
