Yo dont text me then not text me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
