its not stalking. its research.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
