I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
