She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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