Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
