Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
