Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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