also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
