I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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